Adventure of the Day

I thought the most exciting potty training stories were behind me, but I'm pretty sure this one takes the cake.

So today my friend Holli and I took our "birthday twins" to Chuck E. Cheese's to celebrate their upcoming 2nd birthday (both girls were born February 27th, 2009).  Lyla had a great time spending about 15 of her 20 tokens on the Barney car, and almost knocked poor Camryn out when she wanted a turn.  But that isn't the potty training story, so here it is.

The last few times we went out in public, Lyla decided she didn't want to use their public restrooms (and I can't say I blame her), but that creates kind of an issue when you have an almost 2-year-old with a tiny bladder and she has to pee.  Just ask the floor at Walmart--if you gotta go, you gotta go, and if you don't want to use the bathroom there, it ends up on the floor. 

So needless to say, I was kind of worried about the 50 minute drive, and all the games and excitement and her not wanting to use the restroom there.  I brought along her little princess potty chair, just in case.  We got there and she pulled her usual "I have to go potty" thing, and once we got in the restroom she wouldn't let me put her near the toilet (even with her little foldable travel princess potty seat that fits on top of the toilet and hides the disgusting public seat).  Luckily she only pulled that the first time, and the next few times she told me she had to go potty, she went without a problem.  So after a few hours there, both girls were getting sleepy (I could tell Lyla was done by the way she threw herself on the floor in typical 2-year-old-temper-tantrum-style).  It wasn't long after we got in the car to head home that Lyla was sound asleep.  I turned up the radio and relaxed and assumed she would be conked out the whole way home. 

It wasn't 10 or 15 minutes later that she woke up crying because she couldn't find her "binky" (yup, she still uses a binky for sleep, we're going to work on that soon...).  I did the "blind-reach-behind-me" thing, but couldn't come up with it either.  Of course we're on I94 and I'm surrounded by semis, so the reach behind probably wasn't the best idea.  A few more minutes of crying and I made the decision to pull over on the shoulder, right past the sign that read "NO STOPPING OR STANDING ON THE SHOULDER."  I figured I would stop for a second, quickly turn around and grab the darn thing, pop it back in her mouth and she would fall right back asleep.

My plans, never go as planned.

"I have to go potty!"

I think about it for a half second...do we drive a few miles, find a gas station, only for us to get in there and her NOT want to use it?  OR....there is her little familiar pink princess potty seat right there on the floor of the car...?

I jumped over the seat, over her car seat, grabbed the princess potty, got her out of her car seat and I strained my back to stand in a really awkward uncomfortable position to help her out, but she went potty in it!  Yay!  I figured I could quickly open the door and empty it out in the grass and no one would ever notice...

And then she kept sitting there...and sitting there....and sitting there....

The semis flying by starting making me nervous, REALLY nervous.  Every semi that passed by made the car shake.  I started thinking someone was going to run off the road and hit us, because I'm paranoid like that. 

"Are you all done Lyla?"

"No, I go poopy."

Well...that really changes my plan.  How do I dump poop out on the side of the road?  Where do I throw the poopy wipes?  What if it gets on my CAR?! 

"Are you sure?  I think you just have to go potty, you're all done!"

"No, I go poopy."

And so I waited...and waited...and waited...

She sat there half asleep, gazing out the window, not seeming to notice that the semis were about to knock us off the road.  "Look, birdies!" 

"Yes Lyla, there are birdies, let's get back in your car seat."

"No, I go poopy." 

And THEN, a HUGE white vehicle with a trailer on the back of it starts heading straight for us!  I was right, I knew someone would run off the road and hit us!!!  My heart stopped beating for 2 seconds, until I read the words "Emergency Vehicle" on the front of it.

Great.  I am on the shoulder of I94, I have a kid sitting on the potty, in our car, pants around her ankles, trying to poop.  How do I explain this one???

"You're all done Lyla, good girl!"  And that worked, she finally said she was all done.  Thank GOD she didn't really poop.  Funny trick, Lyla.  I get her pants pulled up and the seat to the potty chair closed a split second before the curious looking emergency worker came up to us.

"Is everything okay?"  Um, no, I just had a heart attack and I have a bowl full of pee in my car.

"Oh yeah, haha, I just had to pull over to tend to my daughter for a second, haha...."  (lots of nervous laughter)

"Oh yeah, that happens sometimes.  I'll wait here until you get back on the road safely."  I secretly thank him for not asking any more questions.

He walks back to the car and gets in and stares at my car while I buckle Lyla back in her car seat.  I'm not real sure on the laws, but I think it would have been frowned upon if I dumped the pee out on the side of the road in front of him.  So I try to move the seat to a spot where it's on level ground, and, um, yeah, that didn't go over too well, I'm pretty sure I got some pee on me.  I mumble something like "are you effing kidding me?" under my breath and grab some wipes and take a quick bath with them and climb back over the front seat and buckle up and Lyla says "I have to go more potty!"  No way lil' mama, this isn't happening again.  "Well honey we're going to wait and find the next gas station and you can go there."  Wouldn't you know, it was only like 3 minutes down the road.  Would have been nice to have known that before getting pee all over myself.

So we get there and I park near the back and I dump the pee out and I don't even care if anyone saw me.  By then Lyla decided that she didn't have to go "more potty," and I took the time to clean myself up a little better. 

And I cursed under my breath the whole way home, and by the time we got home I finally stopped shaking, and then I almost, almost, laughed about it a little bit.